I often wonder, what sends girls over the edge and straight into an insane asylum. What makes a girl so paranoid and obsessed with a person? What takes her from zero to call the cops in 2.5 seconds? What happens to make her 1 centimeter away from launching an air strike on a lovers house.
It's you. It is you and you alone.
You who possess the power to flip the switch from benign to hostile. It sort of make sense, I guess. That because i love and care about you so much that i hold you to this perfect prestige of glory. So much in fact that when YOU showed your act of infidelity then of course, I assumed there must be something wrong with me.
And I didn't see it before. I thought surely, trust was the only thing lost. False. As false as the pleasure I have been pretending to feel as I rouse you to your release. How could I feel connected with someone who did this to me? This? This is the source of our problem. Its you. It is most definitely you. Because the worst thing you could have ever done to me when you began to put your lips on that girl was not make me hate you, distrust you, or feel betrayed. Even worse than those....you made me doubt myself.
Doubting myself. Doubting my worth. But why? Why do you even have the power to make me doubt. Because I gave it to you. I handed you that power on a silver platter the minute I let my guard down and let you consume me so intimately, mind body and spirit. And lets be honest, I never had my guard up with you. You were just what I was looking for, just what I needed, right when I needed it. A gift. A match. A way out. Lack of belief in myself.
That's the worst thing you would've done. Doubting myself. I'm not crazy or intense, or overbearing, or clingy, or needy. I'm doubting. I'm doubting that I am good enough. I'm doubting if I'm fun or pretty. I'm doubting if you find me interesting. I'm doubting that I'm happy enough to be around your friends. I'm doubting I'm sexy and attractive or that you desire me. I'm doubting that this popular, intelligent, bright, well known and liked, fun person even wants to be with me. Then the doubting leads to the wondering. Why haven't I heard from you, why wasn't I invited, why aren't we communicating, why won't you listen, why are things so different.
And that's how it happens. That's how it happened. That is how YOU turned a nice, trusting, supportive, fun loving girl into a cautious, bothersome, bipolar, controlling lunatic. It's you. It is you. YOU did this to me.