You're like an old sweater, packed away and stored for the warm months. Dusted off that until you desperately need it you may have forgotten you had. You're not even sure it'll fit still. But it slides right over your head and hugs you just like you remembered. Warm and comforting.
That's what you are old friend, comforting. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I feared I may be falling into something that could ruin me. SO many uncertain feelings rushed through me all out once but one stands out, comfort.
With you things are simple, easy, familiar. Yet still things with you are confusing, difficult but familiar. And at times when I'm at my lowest or alone I reach out for that. Something that even though is not constant, is still the same. It always seems like we pick up right where we left off.
I often ponder why I let you back in, why I find you so comforting. I think about you every time someone leaves. When they leave me alone, just like you did. I find myself so upset with them and everyone in the world but never you. And why not? You essentially did the same thing as them...but you were the first. The first to make me feel that kind of pain, hurt, anger, despair and loneliness. You were the first. Maybe I equate the first with being the worst. Maybe I find some solace in remember the pain I felt then and convince myself that my current pain is child's play to your first hurt. I guess this what they mean by scars remind us that we can heal. And you are the biggest scar I have.
And in the past I thought you may have been playing games, or couldn't see what your inconsistency did to me each time- shook my world as i struggle to find balance. But I was naive and self absorbed then. Now I see that maybe you need me too. Need my comfort just as I need yours. Maybe I'm familiar to you. Maybe sometimes thats all we need, no complications or more. Nothing to be expected from one another but an indescribable comfort. It's a good thing we always find our way back to one another. Old Friend.