I'm having a breakdown. Something is wrong with me. I feel as though it is setting in all of a sudden. I don't want to go back there. I refuse to go back there. I'm getting anxiety just thinking about it. Why am I crying? Because I can remember how dark that place was, how frustrating, how lonely, and simply terrible. I can feel it coming and I'm crying because I'm not sure how to stop it. Get me off this train, please. How did I get here? Am I over reacting? What does it feel like? How did I notice? I'll tell you. Wow, I'm not sure I'm breathing. In and Out; you can do it. Calm down. I'm almost unhappy. Not completely, like I was, but almost. I expect it to be the job of everyone around me to make me happy. I've been feeling unimportant, un-included, irrelevant, and disconnected from my sisters. Its like I don't exist. But am I only feeling that because of what ever this is. Its so frustrating to type out. I'm loosing confidence in me. I don't think I look as cute and I don't have the same presence. When I became that new me, people flocked because I had something that made them gravitate toward me. I've lost that. So I'm irrelevant. Maybe I've stopped making time for me. I know that when I'm feeling the loneliest that means I need to be alone. How can I expect people to like me when I don't like me. I feel like reaching out but I think that's half the problem. Its something inside of me that I need to fix. I have that " I want to sleep all the time" feeling. Idk what's wrong. I don't want to think that I'm not capable of being with someone; but maybe that's it. I'm not willing to sacrifice myself for this relationship. I'm more important. When I'm with someone I begin to rely on them for affirmation, instead of having to give it to myself. I also feel as though since I know that's what I want it from that I isolate myself from my sisters, whom used to provide it for me.